Parents Who Discipline

Parenting

When I learned that my first child was on the way, it occurred to me how woefully unprepared I was to guide my forthcoming child through life. Fortunately, for those of us new to parenting, child rearing theories abound. We have no shortage of people who are willing to share their child rearing expertise regardless of whether we ask for their insights.

I did not ask for feedback but, rather, began watching how other parents interacted with their children. It is gratifying how much can be learned through passive watching. I recall thinking to myself, I like their kids, but then, Theirs?? Not so much.

Beginning with this realization and distinction, I looked for differences in how each set of parents worked with their children. When, and how much did they talk with them? What were their conversations about? Was the relationship a friendship, or a leader/follower relationship? What did parental supervision look like? I had dozens of questions similar to these. I did not ask the parents these questions, but I had them in my mind as I watched the parenting process.

Discipline

One distinction that was difficult to miss had to do with parental responses to misbehavior. The parents whose children I liked disciplined them when they misbehaved. The parents whose children got under my skin did not discipline them. Rather, they laughed about the misbehavior as though it was funny or cute. It was neither funny nor cute. Or, they made excuses for the misbehavior and expected everyone to just understand.

Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves;
    therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty.
For he wounds, but he binds up;
    he shatters, but his hands heal.
– Job 5:17-18, ESV

Scripture is replete with exhortations to discipline our children in love, as well as heartbreaking examples of what happens when that exhortation is ignored.

Eli, the high priest at Shiloh, failed to discipline his sons, Hophni and Phinehas. They were wicked sons,¹ living filthy lives, having no regard for the LORD, and it caused them both to be killed on the same day. When news of his sons’ deaths and the capture of the ark of God reached Eli, he fell backward, broke his neck and died.² All of this came about because “[Eli] did not restrain [his sons].”³

King David was “the man after God’s own heart,”⁴ but he was a disaster as a father. David’s failure to deal his son Amnon when he raped his own sister² resulted not only in the death of Amnon at the hand of his brother Absalom, but led to a bloody coup by Absalom against David in an attempt to take over the throne.

The Discipline Paradox

It seems paradoxical, but it is not, that parental love requires discipline. Something [youthful] within us objects, saying discipline is unpleasant, and if you truly love me you will not discipline me. Just let me do what I want and figure life out as I go. Following three to five seconds of objective reflection, we see how silly such logic is.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
    but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
– Proverbs 13:24, ESV

It is the height of folly to deny that true parental love involves appropriate, remedial chastening applied with love. It is equally absurd to suppose that this same principle does not apply to God, and to us as his children. Just as we raise our children, training them to live life, God raises us to live for eternity.

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline
    or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,
    as a father the son in whom he delights.
– Proverbs 3:11-12, ESV

Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord,
    and whom you teach out of your law,
– Psalm 94:12, ESV

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
. . .
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
– Hebrews 12:7, 11, ESV

You and I are in a tremendously special relationship. We are sons and daughters of God,⁵ and we are a kingdom of priests unto God.⁶ Each of those, alone, is a high calling, but combined, they are almost overwhelming. We are now on the training ground, learning to live in alignment with our high calling as sons and daughters of the King. Occasionally, that requires the discipline of the LORD.

Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.
– Revelation 3:19, ESV

Rejoice that you are worthy of God’s loving hand of discipline.

Blessings upon you, my friends.

Victoriously in Christ!

– damon

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1. 1 Samuel 2:12
2. 1 Samuel 4:18
3. 1 Samuel 3:13
4. 1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22
5. 2 Corinthians 6:18
6. Revelation 1:6